Every so often, I have a series of bad dreams that involve the dissolution of my marriage. Usually, I dream about finding Shawn with another woman, which I’ve learned to dismiss as just a goofy little manifestation of some insecurities I battled long ago. The dream I had last night, though it did not involve adultery, was pretty upsetting. For the first time, my stupid subconscious used the big “D” word.
What’s even more interesting is that it was Shawn, not me, who repeatedly said he wanted to divorce. My dream also involved a nameless, faceless couple who attempted some sort of strange intervention. Only the female spoke, and though I don’t remember anything specific she said to me, she made me feel as though I was to blame for the mess in which I found myself. She also told me that I was a fat ass and daydreaming if I thought my current exercise routine was going to help me lose weight.
Hearing the word divorce was not as upsetting as watching Shawn sit around and joke and laugh with this strange imaginary couple. I was petrified and crying; he was having a good time engaged in conversation. I knew at that moment that Shawn was very serious about getting divorced. I had done something terribly wrong, and he no longer trusted me, he no longer desired me, he no longer loved me. There was nothing I could do to earn his forgiveness.
Of course, when I told Shawn about my dream, he called me “nuts” or something, but I wish I knew why these types of dreams surface every six months or so.
Silly monkey.
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I’m innocent! I swear!
Nameless, faceless couple, huh? Roo and smaps?
Hmmm . . . would smaps tell me I’m a fatass?
Shawn, she’s on to us!
Yeah, it’s just your subconscious rearing its ugly head. I wouldn’t sweat it. I haven’t dreamt much in the last 6 months and it was kind of a relief. I have many similar/horrible dreams that sometimes shake me to the core. So if you find an answer, you be sure to let me know.
Halbie, my hubby’s secret lover.
I knew it!
So, does that make me the other half in this couple?
I don’t think roo and smaps are imaginary per se, Mr. Schou. :p
You sound like you have a recurring 6 month bug. And you sound like you’re aware of it. There’s something in your head that clicks every 6 months and triggers this thought pattern. The good thing is that you’re aware of it. Knowing the cause might be as simple as just saying to yourself that that’s the way your head works, or there might be something else. Either way, knowing that it’s on a schedule of sorts ought make it easier to rationalize consciously. Intuition would probably manifest itself more often, so it’s probably safe to say, as you have, that it’s your subconscious trying to inject some drama in your life because it is bored.
Now if you don’t mind, Shawn and I were having a wonderful conversation and it feels as though you’ve interrupted it. :p
I didn’t do nothin!
I would never call you a fat ass.
Okay, good. I was just checking.
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