PuddleMonkey

This exercise (to write 25 random things, facts, goals, etc about yourself) is making the rounds on Facebook. I decided to post this on my blog as well because it took me so damn long to write.

1. I’m afraid of the dark.

2. I’m not nearly as smart as some people think I am. I’m also too old to still be so naive, especially about people.

3. I secretly wish I could bake cookies and pies for a living. Actually, I wish I could run away and join a cartoon, but that’s #19.

4. I’m a video game junkie. I blame my mother for this…really. Once every summer she sent me to the local laundromat to clean our winter comforters; she always gave me enough money so that I could play video games while waiting. I became a master of Donkey Kong and Pac-Man. Now I’m a fan of Gears of War.

5. My husband and I adopted our first “babies” Bear and Dozer from the Denver Dumb Friends League in June of 2004…just after we bought our first house. They’ve taught me more important lessons that I can count. I love Dozer because he’s dopey and thinks it’s his job to protect me. I hate him because he’s neurotic and jealous. I love Bear because he is just like me. I hate him for the same reason.

6. During my senior year of high school, I was assaulted and stabbed three times by five skinheads. Long story.

7. I have a ridiculous and completely irrational fear of bears.

8. During college I won a small scholarship for a collection of my original poetry. I still love to write, though I prefer autobiographical storytelling and blogging to poetry.

9. The only man I’ve ever fallen in love with is my husband. Sucker

10. Lemon is one of my favorite flavors in sweets–lemon cookies, lemon candies, lemon cake, lemon tea, lemon-aid.

11. I earned my BA in Political Science and my MA in English. I’ve worked in financial services for the last ten years. I’m a corporate whore. Whatever.

12. I prefer white chocolate to milk or dark chocolate.

13. I believe that any person who abuses an animal should be subjected to the same abuse. I don’t care to give most people the benefit of the doubt, especially someone who drowns a dog, sets a cat on fire, skins a rabbit…

14. I feel very strongly about women’s reproductive rights. Our value as human beings is not measured by our ability to reproduce.

15. I think poop is funny. I even have paraphernalia: pee and poo plushies (www.peeandpoo.com), a book, “What’s your Poo Telling You?” (a gift from my boss), and a poop plushie that squeaks (a gift from my college roommate).

16. I’m horribly allergic to cats even though I grew up in a house filled with them.

17. According to my husband, one of my worst habits is that I never fasten lids on anything. The bottle of cooking oil, the bottle of laundry detergent, the bottle of aspirin, etc.

18. I am a slob and a complete klutz. I have two left feet and two left hands, and I make a mess no matter what I do.

19. I have a curious talent for being able to talk like a cartoon character…multiple cartoon characters, actually. I’m told I talk to myself at work a lot.

20. My drink of choice is ice water. I probably drink more than 80oz a day.

21. I don’t have a lot of friends, probably because I don’t know how to be a good friend, nor do I have a close relationship with anyone in my family. As far back as I can remember, I was the fat, ugly girl everyone, including friends and family, picked on. So I spent a lot of time by myself. Needless to say, I’m a bit of a loner.

22. I collect frog and monkey stuff. I don’t know why.

23. My father died in late 2004, on the corner of 8th and Grant as he was walking home from Denver General. I hadn’t talked to him in five years.

24. I look forward to turning 40.

25. My husband gave me the nickname PuddleMonkey. Don’t ask.